callea's Xanga

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 18:36:41 GMT

I think I've determined why I'm lacking motivation lately. I believe it's because I've always been motivated by the possiblity of what might come for me in the future. Even if something didn't directly lead to greater future possibilities, I was happy to do it, knowing that I didn't *have* to do it in the future. It was just a means to an ends. But the 'future' is here. I've gone as far as I can go with my current motivation, and now I either need a new one or to establish another possible future. Yet I can't see any on this current path that really appeal to me. But how do I know if I'll ever find one that does or even if one exists?

I'm speaking professionally/career wise on all of this. I think I've finally figured out where I want to go personally, which is creating the problem that my original professional course is now almost a polar opposite. The personal aspect is almost easy to turn around. It's simply a matter of attitude, but the professional part is harder. With electronics, computers, and programming, you have to spend a lot of time researching and working alone. That was originally what appealed to me, but now I don't want that. Or am I wrong and it's just this job that makes me work in practical isolation?

This is the problem with creating goals. Once you get there, and find out that what you've set your sights on isn't so great or even what you really wanted, where do you go from there? Everyone tells you to set goals, but nobody tells you how to choose the goals you set.

Oh yeah, and I've decided I am going to take singing lessons. I used to be pretty damned good, and singing has always made me feel good. I was thinking about it before, but now I know I want to.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 19:26:02 GMT

Hello, everyone. I'm back again - sporatically. Just having another mid-mid-life crisis after coming to the conclusion again that I'm a moron and don't know how to do anything useful well enough that anyone half-way intelligent would give me a job. So yeah, I'm thinking that I need to go back to school. But for what, I'm not sure. I think I really like doing web stuff, but I only get frustrated and irritated since don't know all that much about it, because what I learned was all on my own. None of my programming classes had anything to do with web programming languages, and I really didn't pay enough attention in them to get something out of them. I learned enough to get an A then let most of it fly out the window. Basically, I suck. (And this isn't one of those things where I'm looking for people to tell me I don't, I know I really do suck.)

So, I have to decide whether I just want to take a few classes, work toward another bachelor's, an associate's, or get a master's. I like the idea of having a master's, and it'll probably benefit me most in the long run. But it'll probably be more expensive, and I don't think I know enough yet to make it in a computer science master's program. Also, after the total slack-fest that was my college, I don't think I'm prepare to make it in a real school yet, much less something that's supposed to be as difficult as a master's program. Argh... What to do, what to do...

I really wish I hadn't chosen that expensive-ass college or the equally expensive and equally assish (yeah, it's a word) college I went to for animation. I should have just went to junior college until I knew what I actually wanted to do instead of wasting 50 grand. I thought people who did that were losers, but it turns out I'm the freakin loser. *sigh* Nothing to do now but try and fix it by spending more money and working at this crappy job to pay for it. I guess it could be worse.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Fri, 06 May 2005 19:17:53 GMT

Posted to LJ on 5/5

To my fellow vegetarians/vegans: Does it bother you when someone asks, "How do you get your protein?" I just find it irritating when someone I hardly know seems to expect me to give an extemporaneous presentation of my diet.

So why isn't that question considered rude? I could understand if it was asked during a discussion on health and diet, but not when it's in response to something like, "No, thank you. I don't eat meat." Not that I go around telling everyone I'm a vegetarian at every chance I get. I usually don't even bother unless someone continually offers me dead animal to eat or wants to take me out to a steak house.

Occasionally someone will ask and seem genuinely concerned about my health, but it's not the norm. And even though it's sweet that they care, I (as well as most serious vegetarians and vegans) probably have better nutrition than they do simply because I take the time to read up on the vitamins and nutrients I might be missing. Most of the general population don't look into anything more than how much fat or carbs are in their food (dear god, I don't even want to start on low carb diets...), if that. I don't even have a problem with people doing that as long as they don't question my diet when their own in questionable.

I don't think other people have any business asking about my diet unless they're genuinely interested in learning about nutrition. I don't go around asking people I barely know how they get their folic acid or omega 3. Of course, next time someone asks me how I get my protein, I might just do that.

Then there's the infamous, "So what do you eat?"

Monday, May 02, 2005

Mon, 02 May 2005 18:42:19 GMT

I watched Hitchhiker's last night with my roommates. I don't think they liked it very much. Well, Eng seemed to, but I'm not sure about the others. I thought it was hilarious and I love the dolphin song. The acting was really good in it too. Also, I think Marvin should have been named Eric. ;)

I need to get around to reading it sometime. People have been telling me to read it for years.

...thanks for the fish.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 20:15:58 GMT

I'm just sitting here at work with a few things to do and none of them that I really want to.

I haven't updated much here, mostly because I've been on livejournal.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/callea/

I initially intended to post everything that I did there over here too, but that didn't exactly work out. Mostly because nobody talks to me on here and there are so many people on LJ that I talk to. Maybe I'll give posting to both places another try.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Tue, 19 Oct 2004 15:58:56 GMT

Apparently, this is the first annual Buycott day for women. The point is to show the discrepancy between women's consumer spending and the percentage of women as CEOs of Fortune 500 companies.

I don't think that's what it does. The women I heard talking about it on the TV and radio were all going on about how hard it would be to not shop for a day. Hello? The stereotypical woman is a money-spending, gold-digging, shopping-crazy, no-brained ditz. How is showing the world that that stereotype is more accurate going to get women more CEO positions?

The site actually says "Instead of shopping, we are encouraging women to go for a walk in the park, write a letter to a friend, enjoy a museum, or help someone in need." Well, what a novel idea! I can spend my time not shopping?! I'm glad this group of women has the sense to tell all us other brain dead women what we can do. Talk about condescending. This group seems to believe that women are so shallow that all they can think about are ways to spend money.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Sat, 16 Oct 2004 01:35:43 GMT

So, I'm finally getting around to moving stuff off these old floppies that I've had for around 5 years. I prefer not to look at it as procrastination. I've just been waiting for technology to catch up to my needs. I didn't want to use an inferior technology for my valuable data... You're not buying this are you?

Oh well, the good news is that I found a drawing of instructions on how to make a oragami penguin.

The bday thing last night was cancelled. We still hung out, but didn't have the party. Apparently it's moved to Sat night at some club. I'm going to go, but only because my friend Eng is going. The guys are starting to get irritating. Some of them can be very immature, and I've had a feeling they've been talking shit on me when I'm not around. I got confirmation of that last night. I think most of it's because of one guy who just got back from the Navy and has absolutely no respect for women.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Fri, 15 Oct 2004 23:18:16 GMT

I was going to take a test to see what kind of pin-up girl I was. Turns out, I must not be any kind, because most of the answers didn't apply to me.

You have Blue Wings! You are artistic and highly
creative. Others are amazed by your imaginative
ideas, and the way you speak so smoothly. You
are very social, but you like talking
face-to-face, instead of the phone. You love
dancing, Writing, acting, drawing, singing,
anything that requires artistic style. You have
many friends, and are popular because of your
unique style. Though your jokes crack up
everyone around you, you often daydream about
many different things, lost in your own world.
Even though, you are optimistic, and remain
friendly and loved by others in reality, you
always like to visit your fantasy world for
some peace from the hectic world.

What Color are your wings?(Mainly for Girls)Beautiful Pix!
brought to you by Quizilla

This next one makes me hopeful. Wait... was I supposed to have someone in mind when I took it?

Maybe! This guy may have a crush on you; its hard
to tell though. One minute it really seems like
he does and the next its a whole different
story. If you have a crush on him, why dont you
try talking to him and getting to know him
betterif all goes well you two will form a
friendship, and who knows where things could go
from there!?! If you are already friends with
the guy you should tell him how you feel,
however before you do that you need to decide
whats more important to you, a friendship with
this guy or a relationship. Sometimes when you
take a friendship to the next level things
between you two are never the same again, but
if you have one of those friendships that
survive though anything then go for it!

Does He Like You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Thu, 14 Oct 2004 06:40:48 GMT

I need to get a PDA. I keep trying to look for one, but the problem is I don't want to spend more than $50, and none of them seem to have everything I want (no matter how much they cost). I need to get more organized though. I write things down on scraps of paper and they get lost. It's a real pain, and it gives me a headache. I started to work out the objects for my mom's site, but I can't find the paper I wrote it all on. If I had a PDA, I could have put it in there.

I found a pretty helpful development site. W3 Schools. There's also a Markup Validator that they link to.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Thu, 14 Oct 2004 06:30:57 GMT

That's it. I knew it before, and I'm 100% certain of it now. Computers are evil. Pure evil.

I've been in the process of getting all my data from my 3 computers into some semblance of order and backing it up. I started last week, but hadn't made much progress. I decided last night that I would back up all my laptop data today after work. Well guess what? I turn on my laptop this morning and hear a funny noise. At first, I thought it was the fan, cause it makes odd sounds sometimes. Then the screen comes up that says "no bootable device found". &*#( #^*(# #$@!!!

I'm trying to remember what all I have that isn't backed up on there. I think I had some writing, poems, and journal entries.