callea
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Country: United States
State: California


Expertise: I have no expertise. I'm good at everything, but great at nothing.


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Member Since: 12/12/2002

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Thursday, June 09, 2005

I think I've determined why I'm lacking motivation lately. I believe it's because I've always been motivated by the possiblity of what might come for me in the future. Even if something didn't directly lead to greater future possibilities, I was happy to do it, knowing that I didn't *have* to do it in the future. It was just a means to an ends. But the 'future' is here. I've gone as far as I can go with my current motivation, and now I either need a new one or to establish another possible future. Yet I can't see any on this current path that really appeal to me. But how do I know if I'll ever find one that does or even if one exists?

I'm speaking professionally/career wise on all of this. I think I've finally figured out where I want to go personally, which is creating the problem that my original professional course is now almost a polar opposite. The personal aspect is almost easy to turn around. It's simply a matter of attitude, but the professional part is harder. With electronics, computers, and programming, you have to spend a lot of time researching and working alone. That was originally what appealed to me, but now I don't want that. Or am I wrong and it's just this job that makes me work in practical isolation?

This is the problem with creating goals. Once you get there, and find out that what you've set your sights on isn't so great or even what you really wanted, where do you go from there? Everyone tells you to set goals, but nobody tells you how to choose the goals you set.

Oh yeah, and I've decided I am going to take singing lessons. I used to be pretty damned good, and singing has always made me feel good. I was thinking about it before, but now I know I want to.
Currently Playing
Mirrorball
By Sarah McLachlan, Sarah McLachlan
Angel
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Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Hello, everyone. I'm back again - sporatically. Just having another mid-mid-life crisis after coming to the conclusion again that I'm a moron and don't know how to do anything useful well enough that anyone half-way intelligent would give me a job. So yeah, I'm thinking that I need to go back to school. But for what, I'm not sure. I think I really like doing web stuff, but I only get frustrated and irritated since don't know all that much about it, because what I learned was all on my own. None of my programming classes had anything to do with web programming languages, and I really didn't pay enough attention in them to get something out of them. I learned enough to get an A then let most of it fly out the window. Basically, I suck. (And this isn't one of those things where I'm looking for people to tell me I don't, I know I really do suck.)

So, I have to decide whether I just want to take a few classes, work toward another bachelor's, an associate's, or get a master's. I like the idea of having a master's, and it'll probably benefit me most in the long run. But it'll probably be more expensive, and I don't think I know enough yet to make it in a computer science master's program. Also, after the total slack-fest that was my college, I don't think I'm prepare to make it in a real school yet, much less something that's supposed to be as difficult as a master's program. Argh... What to do, what to do...

I really wish I hadn't chosen that expensive-ass college or the equally expensive and equally assish (yeah, it's a word) college I went to for animation. I should have just went to junior college until I knew what I actually wanted to do instead of wasting 50 grand. I thought people who did that were losers, but it turns out I'm the freakin loser. *sigh* Nothing to do now but try and fix it by spending more money and working at this crappy job to pay for it. I guess it could be worse.


Friday, May 06, 2005

Posted to LJ on 5/5

To my fellow vegetarians/vegans: Does it bother you when someone asks, "How do you get your protein?" I just find it irritating when someone I hardly know seems to expect me to give an extemporaneous presentation of my diet.

So why isn't that question considered rude? I could understand if it was asked during a discussion on health and diet, but not when it's in response to something like, "No, thank you. I don't eat meat." Not that I go around telling everyone I'm a vegetarian at every chance I get. I usually don't even bother unless someone continually offers me dead animal to eat or wants to take me out to a steak house.

Occasionally someone will ask and seem genuinely concerned about my health, but it's not the norm. And even though it's sweet that they care, I (as well as most serious vegetarians and vegans) probably have better nutrition than they do simply because I take the time to read up on the vitamins and nutrients I might be missing. Most of the general population don't look into anything more than how much fat or carbs are in their food (dear god, I don't even want to start on low carb diets...), if that. I don't even have a problem with people doing that as long as they don't question my diet when their own in questionable.

I don't think other people have any business asking about my diet unless they're genuinely interested in learning about nutrition. I don't go around asking people I barely know how they get their folic acid or omega 3. Of course, next time someone asks me how I get my protein, I might just do that.

Then there's the infamous, "So what do you eat?"

Currently Watching
Arrested Development - Season One
By Jason Bateman
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Monday, May 02, 2005

I watched Hitchhiker's last night with my roommates. I don't think they liked it very much. Well, Eng seemed to, but I'm not sure about the others. I thought it was hilarious and I love the dolphin song. The acting was really good in it too. Also, I think Marvin should have been named Eric. ;)

I need to get around to reading it sometime. People have been telling me to read it for years.

...thanks for the fish.


Friday, April 29, 2005

I'm just sitting here at work with a few things to do and none of them that I really want to.

I haven't updated much here, mostly because I've been on livejournal.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/callea/

I initially intended to post everything that I did there over here too, but that didn't exactly work out. Mostly because nobody talks to me on here and there are so many people on LJ that I talk to. Maybe I'll give posting to both places another try.



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